Tuesday, April 12, 2011

Alot has happened since the last time I was on here. First and most importantly I gave birth to miss Ella Kate. My delivery was amazing by far the best experience I have ever had, not that I've had a very bad one, neverless this was truly ideal. We were induced March 9th. They told us to be there at 5 am we pulled into the hospital right as another women was very painfully walking into the ER in full labor. John Mark told me to hurry we needed to beat her in...ha. I told him I didnt think it worked that way. Turns out she wasnt the only spontaneous labor to come in that morning. We sat in the waiting room until 7. Its weird to wait in a waiting room at a hospital waiting to be induced. It was about 8:30 before I got my epidural and Dr. Hix broke my water and at 1:40 and 3 pushes later little Ella was here. She was a screamer. My loudest baby for sure. I was actually concerned she cried for so long but after an hour she nursed like a champ and fell fast asleep. She weight 7 pound 14 oz and was 20 1/4 inches long. We had so many people come visit it was a huge blessing to us. Knowing you are loved and that the people you love also love your children and celebrate with you is priceless. We are VERY blessed! So here we are 4 weeks later..... Its been the shortest long month EVER...ha. It feels like yesterday I was having Ella and she still feels like a new newborn, but its been a month. At the same time it feels like shes always been here. She's a great baby and a terrific sleeper. Although she does sleep best if she's sleeping at my side or on my chest. She usually wakes up once or twice at night buy hey thats pretty stinkin good. Roman and Avery are doing great with her and show her their affection with a million hugs and kisses a day: ) They are my angels. I worried about Avery and adjusting. I remember finding out I was pregnant with Ella if I was honest I was disappointed. I feel so guilty saying that, but I can say now that I'm so happy and would change nothing about my sweet little unplanned baby. Anyways, on top of my long list of "what are we going to do's" I was worried about Avery. She's my baby and I was worried about taking something away from her and truth be told it kinda did. She is 18 months old, a baby, but shw looks so big and she's a big sister. I need/expect her to have a longer attention span and more patience than anyone really should have at her age, but next to a newborn she looks so big. Some days I step back and remember shes just a baby and I put ella in her swing and just sit and hold Avery. i kiss her sweet forehead and take her in. I know how fast all this goes and I try to memorize everything about her. Her chubby cheeks, the heaviness of her sleepy eyes, her soft sweet curls, and the sweet ways she say, "yeah" when I ask her a question. A precious girl she is and i love her. Did i mention she looks just like me when I was little. Sometimes i look at her and it like looking at an old photo of me. Its special having a kiddo that looks just like you. Anyways, when I was pregnant with Ella I focused so much on everything I might be taking away from Avery, but now I realize how great it is. I gave her a little sister that she will grow up with and being very close to. They are going to be the best of friends and that in itself is such an amazing gift. I look forward to watching them grow up. Roman, well he melts my heart. He loves being a big brother and he is good at it and he's such a great helper. Right now he's all about his trains. Thomas is his favorite and EVERYTHING in his life pertains to Thomas in one way or another. For example, I'll ask him how many chicken . nuggets he wants and he'll say 5 like James, or Roman whats your favorite color to which he'll reply blue like Thomas. When he wants a popcicle he'll say can I have a green one like Percy or yellow like Molly. Hilarious! He also quotes movies all the time. All the time. Most of what he says are quotes. He keeps me in stitches. We were at the zoo this weekend and he said, "look at that freakin horned animal." The other morning he ran into the living room right after waking up, he threw his hands in the air and said, "look how awake I am". Its funny and wonderful how your realtionship with your child changes as they grow. Roman is so much easier than he was a year ago. He's so fun to talk to and i feel like he understands most everything i say. It brings a whole other dimension to our relationship. For how easy it has become in some ways Im also struggling big time. He's very headstrong and I'm not so much. I feel overwhelmed when he's mad and yelling and slamming doors. I get so mad and lose my temper and therefore become completely uneffective. I feel like a complete failure often when dealing with him and with Avery for that matter. This momma stuff IS NOT for wimps! Praying for help. My desire for Roman to be kind and loving to have a gentle spirit and a heart for others. I want him to love the Lord and to come to know Him at a young age and be a mighty warrior and some days I'm afraid I'm not teaching him or showing him what he needs to see. It scares me that I may fail and it could cost him a lot. One thing I do see all the time is his sweet spirit. He loves to bring me flowers and love on Ella and Avery. The other day he yelled at me i didn't say anything I was too frustrated..about 20 minutes later he came up to me and said, "sorry I yelled at you." It was amazing lol and so sweet. I was so proud of him in that moment that he knew he did something wrong and wanted to apologize. It's in those moments that i realize I'm not screwing him up too bad. I love to go watch him sleep at night. He's such a beautiful sleeper. Roman looks so handsome when he sleeps. It could be his 6 inch dark eyelashes that melt me. Its hard to believe he's almost four. I love to watch him sleep because no matter how hard the day was I'm always reminded in his quiet room watching my big baby sleep how precious these days are and how fast they go by. Those fast days add up up and before I know it years have passed and i know one day I'll be watching my 15 year old boy sleep yearning for these days. My "new" life as mom to 3 kids is a lot harder than I ever expected but its totally worth it. These children and their dad are my world. Lord please help me show them what a blessing they are to me. Help my words, my tone, my expressions, everything about me show then how precious they are to me and how much I love them. Thank you for choosing to give them to me and entrusting me with their lives. I know I'm pretty special to you because you chose to give me them. Thank you. Please protect them and keep them safe. In Jesus name

1 comment:

Mom said...

It's beautiful Steph. I need to print the kiddo pictures on the side for my office. I love the pictures! Keep it raw. I love raw too. My link on the side is wrong. It should be http://valeriedykstra.com . Have much fun blogging. xoxo